yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
