You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
