she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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