I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
