Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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