Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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