ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
