i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
