chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
