my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Come see our sink grown plant.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
