Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Randomize
