dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I could make wine with my vomit
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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