the condom got lost in my hair
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
