Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
