So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
