Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
