Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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