you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
