I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
