Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
