The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
