Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
