yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
