Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
two words: eviction party
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
