the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
