I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
