If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
