I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
