I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Boobs speak an international language.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
