Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
