woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
