Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
