it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
