I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
