dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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