last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
