I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
