someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
