non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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