it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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