Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
