They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
