could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
two words...techno handjob
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
