i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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