my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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