someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
