my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
