Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
