just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
