Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
