So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
