You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
