im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
40s are totally the cure
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
